It is really hot here in Minnesota. Everyone knows this. Everyone is writing about it. So I won't write about the weather - instead I will write about my paranoid reaction to it.
One: My car isn't meant to operate in this kind of heat. Really, where do they test cars anyway, to make sure that they can operate when it's 100 degrees outside? I hope they test them in like the Arizona desert. Except that would mean that they haven't factored in the humidity. Which is very high. Is it better to drive with your windows open or closed in this heat? What impact does the air conditioning have on everything? Will the pavement buckle on the way home? Am I contributing more to global warming when I drive with the air conditioning on?
(Are you annoyed yet?)
Two: We are running all the air conditioners at home nearly nonstop. Will the air conditioners last? Will they burn out? Perhaps if they burn out, they will start a small fire? What would happen then?
Three: Is it unhealthy for my children to be outside a lot when it is this hot? (The answer is YES. I heard it on MPR. MPR is always right. (This last is not a joke - I really do think so.)) But it's a huge bummer that they're not getting outdoor time when we only have like 15 minutes of summer in Minnesota. Are they sufficiently hydrated? Do they have enough SPF on them? (The answer to this is yes, of course, our nanny definitely lathers them up with enough SPF. It doesn't mean I can't think about it obsessively though.)
Four: We should go swimming since it's so hot.
Oh wait, no we shouldn't. The municipal pool is a breeding ground for THIEVES. (If you don't believe me, read yesterday's post.)
Five: What should we have for DINNER? Even turning on the microwave oven makes me feel really hot. Heating up the kitchen makes it that much harder for the air conditioners (see, e.g., #2 above) to do their job. Maybe we should just go out to eat. Oh wait, we can't - our credit and debit cards were stolen (see, e.g., #4 above).
Is it any wonder that I'm exhausted with such an inner monologue?